To: Mike Levy, Evan Smith, Paul Burka, Jane Dure and Gary Cartwright** Texas Monthly Box 1569 Austin, Texas 78767-1569
Dear Editors and Publisher Levy:
Didn't really know who to send this to so I started at the top and headed down.
Texas Monthly is a unique magazine. Inevitably when I pick it up there is something in it that pisses me off ... and something that makes me smile. Anything that makes me smile can't be all bad. Us West Texans, especially Panhandlers, are naturally suspicious of the liberal hoo-hah that emanates from Austin but because of the high concentration of politicians, lobbyists and vegetarians, we give you folks a bit o leeway. I am not writing to complain or pat you folks on the back. I want something. I will tell you what it is at the end of my sordid tale (rest easy Mr. Levy, it's not a lawsuit).
My little personal odyssey started out about a year ago. As the part owner of a small business in Amarillo I was seeking ways to make my business a success. Amarillo is a notoriously difficult place to function as a business since we don't operate by any known rules of logic or science in regards to marketing. What works in Dallas, Austin, Abilene, Lubbock, Tyler and Houston ... just flat doesn't work here. Don't know if it's being so damn close to New Mexico, Oklahoma, and Kansas that causes this disturbing malfunction but it's like being in the black hole of advertising.
One day a buddy sent me an e-mail about a free marketing seminar in the Austin area. The blurb describing the seminar sounded remarkably like the hype used by traveling carnivals to promote freak shows ... PREPARE TO BE AMAZED ... LEARN THE AMAZING SECRETS OF THE ANCIENT WORLDS ... SEE THE AMAZING TWO HEADED CALF ... but more importantly it was FREE. Since the price was in my budget range I decided to visit my brother in Katy and slip on over to the seminar.
Turns out the seminar took place in a little town south of Austin called Buda and with it's concentration of Anglo Zen Budhees in the Austin area ... this seemed apropos. The drive from Katy to Buda was glorious. The lush green vegetation, rivers that actually had running water and those Lady Bird wildflowers just bowled me over. As a resident of the Texas Panhandle the mere sight of a real tree can get me excited ... this was a flora bonanza. The location of the seminar was not too difficult to find since I had not been drinking and Buda is a quaint little hill country town nestled next to I-35.
The staff had a nametag and a packet for me. They escorted me into the conference room and handed me a cup of coffee the way I like it ... strong and black. As I got settled in, the show started ... the lights dimmed ... music began pounding and in walked a gentleman with a shiny crown, a short beard and sparkling eyes. It would not be fair for me to reveal the intimate details of the seminar but it turned out to be AMAZING even though I never saw the two-headed calf. We took off and explored the human brain, read poetry, listened to music, discussed Doctor Seuss and were dazzled by a multi-experiential light and sound show and learned some incredible stuff.
At the mid-morning break our host escorted us out to his patio and opened up an old Coke box that opened from the top; the type used in old Mom & Pop stores a long time ago. It was filled with every type beer you could find with the notable exception of any lager made by the big three (Bud, Coors, Miller), which suited my taste buds just fine. Although I was raised Catholic I did marry a Baptist and hence declined the offer of a cold beer at 10:30 in the morning. The instructor selected a fine imported beer and herded us back to the seminar room. As he sipped the cold beer he laid some intense marketing stuff on our frigid little Anglo entrepreneurial brains. At the next break, being a courteous boy who was taught proper manners by his mama, I grabbed a free Cerveza and brought an extra back to finish off the morning session. I began to see that college would have been a much better experience if the professors had encouraged the open consumption of beer in the classroom.
At lunch we expected to go hunt grub for ourselves ... no way Jose'. We were given directions to a Texas Bar-B-Q joint called the "Salt Lick" and feasted on ribs, brisket and beans ... and of course more free beer. Our host picked up the tabbed. Free seminar, Free BBQ and Free beer ... I have to admit I was beginning to appreciate this guy's approach to life. After lunch we headed back to the headquarters to finish out the day. Around 5:00 we wrapped up the "official" seminar.
Our instructor invited those of us who wished to just "chat" to join him in the conference room. Just about everyone joined him. He pulled out several bottles of good wine (not the cheap stuff I serve my guests) and started filling glasses. He offered to answer any question that might have popped up during the day. As we sipped wine we were regaled with interesting stories, fascinating insights and fine red wine. At 8:30 I realized my 3-hour drive back to my brothers' house needed to get underway. I bid adieu to all, grabbed a handful of brass tokens that function as his business cards, thanked my host and headed back toward Houston with all these crazy thoughts bumping around in my skull.
Now it has come full circle. A year later I been to his three-day marketing boot camp called "Wizard Academy", a Wizard Academy graduate reunion, a two day writer's intensive called "Free the Beagle" and had a full blown in-house consultation. In fact I have enclosed a sample of my new ads ... listen to them ... it will take 3 minutes. If you don't grin after listening to them ... time for you to move back to Connecticut.
I told you I would ask for something at the beginning. It really is simple. Send a reporter out to Buda and just meet this guy. If you have the "bajingas" ... attend one of his Wizard Academy seminars ... I would recommend, "Free the Beagle" but "Magical Worlds" is also an excellent choice. The bottom line for me is that the guy I met in Buda is one of the most, if not the most, interesting people I have ever met in my life. He would make a damn good story and at a minimum, some reporter is going to enjoy some free beer, good conversation and probably learn a thing or two.
Oh, the guy's name is Roy H. Williams. His clients call him the Wizard of Ads. He is the author of several bestselling books including: The Wizard of Ads, Secret Formulas of the Wizard of Ads, and Magical Worlds of the Wizard of Ads. To contact him you can call 512-295-5700 or you can check him out on www.wizardofads.com . Go through and look at his Academy students' comments. Call a few and ask what they think about Roy. Most are listed on his website.
Stop ... before you dismiss this as a shameless marketing ploy ... which it taint ... just take time to check him out. He is the real deal. He is an incredibly interesting Texan. I am not getting a ding dang thing out of this. The only reason I even wrote was that this guy has had profound effect on my thinking. He has helped me become a much better critter than I was before I met him. More importantly for you he will make a great story for your magazine.
Go see him. If he's not what I said then cancel my subscription* and call me a son of a bitch.
Sincerely and irreverently yours,
Tom Grimes, President CANATXX Inc. 2010 NW 1st Amarillo, Texas 79106 806 371-9126 canatx1@cox-internet.com
p.s. If it weren't for the fact that we Panhandlers are as starved for attention as an ugly girl at a junior high dance we might be upset about Jim Atkinson's disparaging and inaccurate article on Potter county in the January edition of your rag.
*To be honest I get my buddy's copy of Texas Monthly after he finishes reading it. That's another reason I like your magazine. It's still pretty tasty a few months down the road.
**This might be a perfect assignment for a Texas wiseass like Mr. Cartwright.
