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“He was run over by a garbage truck, carried away by raccoons and raised by a harem of rabid squirrels, then deposited in a dumpster behind a substance abuse center, only to be found by a homeless drug-addled former mafia lawyer who was forced to drop out of the witness protection program when she posted a video on Tik Tok about you, and now resents you with a passion reserved for serial killers and recidivistic jaywalkers. Other than that, he’s a normal person.”

- Tom Grimes, March 7, 2023

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