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The Monday Morning Memo

I've never liked country music but I do like Willie Nelson. I think of Willie as a hippie in a cowboy hat. It doesn't get a lot better than Willie Nelson singing Blue Skies. 

And I like Jimmy Buffet's song, Biloxi.  Sure, the instrumentation is country, the style is country, the rhythm  is country, but the lyrics are far too poetic for it to be a country song. So it's in that same weird category as Blue Skies.

And now Sean Claes brought Lyle Lovett to my attention. Funny thing, Lyle's no more country than Bob Dylan, Arlo Guthrie, Matt the Electrician, Willie Nelson or Jimmy Buffett.

Oh, yeah.  I also like Johnny Cash. Go figure.

These are the lyrics to Lyle's song, If I Had a Boat:
(You should also hear his song, Penguins.)

If I had a boat
I'd go out on the ocean.
And if I had a pony
I'd ride him on my boat.
And we could all together
Go out on the ocean,
Me upon my pony on my boat.

If I were Roy Rogers
I'd sure enough be single.
I couldn't bring myself to marrying old Dale.
It'd just be me and Trigger.
We'd go riding through them movies.
Then we'd buy a boat and on the sea we'd sail.

And if I had a boat
I'd go out on the ocean.
And if I had a pony
I'd ride him on my boat.
And we could all together
Go out on the ocean,
Me upon my pony on my boat.

The mystery masked man was smart.
He got himself a Tonto
'Cause Tonto did the dirty work for free.
But Tonto he was smarter
And one day said, “Kemo sabe,
Kiss my ass I bought a boat

I'm going out to sea.”

And if I had a boat
I'd go out on the ocean.
And if I had a pony
I'd ride him on my boat.
And we could all together
Go out on the ocean,
Me upon my pony on my boat.

And if I were like lightning
I wouldn't need no sneakers.
I'd come and go wherever I would please.
And I'd scare 'em by the shade tree
And I'd scare 'em by the light pole
But I would not scare my pony on my boat out on the sea.

And if I had a boat
I'd go out on the ocean.
And if I had a pony
I'd ride him on my boat.
And we could all together
Go out on the ocean,
Me upon my pony on my boat.

 

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Random Quote:

“I’ve discovered the secret to happiness.

No it’s not religion, drugs, or donating to charity.

It is the 2001 Kia Spectra.

The Spectra is not a car, it is a key that unlocks the door to Enlightenment.

Buddhist monks take vows of celibacy and meditate on top of mountains for their entire lives just to achieve Enlightenment. If only they knew that The Spectra can cut them to the front of that spiritual waiting line faster than a handicapped person at Disneyworld.

But how?

It’s a legitimate-sounding fact that the 2001 Kia Spectra produced one of the most profound philosophical quotes of our time, back in the year two-thousand-and-fourteen A.D., by contemporary theologian T-Swift: “Haters gonna hate.”

Those brave enough to publicly grip the steering wheel of The Spectra are immediately illuminated with a divine light of realization: whether rich or poor; beautiful or ugly; intelligent or Republican; someone is going to hate on you, no matter who you are or what you do.

So screw trying to impress those people. Save some money and drive a 2001 Kia Spectra. Automatic. Like a boss. Because haters gonna hate anyway.

And that, my friends, is the secret to happiness.”

- Asia Gregg, a Wizard of Ads partner

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