Roy,

Thanks so much for swinging me back to the campus to catch my flight. I have never left a class early before and will try not to do it again. It just doesn’t feel right.

When you opened the session, you asked each of us, “What do you hope to gain from this experience…?” You may recall that my response was, “People seem to be attracted to my personal storefront (me) but often only mill around and never come completely in, deep into the back…” I said I realized that there is something in my personality that keeps people – even people I hope to have a deeper relationship with – at a distance and gives them the signal that I don’t wish them to come all the way in.”  

Your response was, “I know what it is. Do you want me to tell you, or do you want to discover it for yourself over the next 2 days?”

I chose to wait and see if I could discover it for myself. Well, I didn’t and I really do want to know, so please, “Let me have it…”

See you in early November for “Wizards of the Web.” I didn’t even get to see the tower last trip.

All the Best,

Mark

# # # #  

Mark,

You have built-in defense mechanisms of which you are only half aware.

The biggest of your limiting factors is that you are entirely self-sufficient.  (That seems like a contradictory statement, I know.)

Self-sufficient people have a tough time making deep connections. You don’t ask for help from others because you don’t need it.  You are the giver of help, not the asker of it.  Therein lies the problem that you and I share.

When you want a deeper relationship, you need to do exactly what you did in the email you sent to me. Here’s the magic phrase:  “I need your help with something,” or “I’d like to have your opinion on something.”

This communicates that:
(1.) you respect the other person.
(2.) you are not as self-sufficient as you might appear.
(3.) you consider the person to be a close enough friend that you feel you can ask them for help.

Bottom lines: It’s easy to like someone who obviously likes you.  It’s easy to trust a person who obviously trusts you.

Additionally, I think you might be able to do what Joe Biden does. A recent article in The New Yorker said, “Joe Biden isn’t a great speaker, he’s a great talker. Biden takes you immediately into his confidence so that you will take him into yours.”

Was any of that helpful to you?

I always look forward to seeing you, Mark.  You’re one of my favorite people.

Yours,

Roy H. Williams