Elmer is trying to get permission to make some modifications on his home from the HOA. I just told him that, “When you’re done with that list, these could be next.”
    1    A blood sacrifice, not much, just a few drops from a purebred Himalayan cat.
    2    Approval from the neighborhood squirrel council (they’re very territorial).
    3    A background check on your power tools to ensure they haven’t participated in any previous unsanctioned builds.
    4    Permission from three generations of former homeowners, even if they’re deceased. Ouija board transcript required.
    5    A TikTok video of you performing a dance that symbolizes “renewal,” submitted for review.
    6    Evidence that your paint color won’t trigger generational trauma for anyone in the HOA.
– Jeffrey Eisenberg

“Beware the little person with a badge.”
– Indy Beagle

“Our new Constitution is now established, and has an appearance that promises permanency; but in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.”
— Benjamin Franklin, in a letter dated November 13, 1789