Alfie and Anni in Istanbul - The Monday Morning Memo

“Before long, the distinguished maestro himself came over, pumped my hand, smiling all the while, and confessed that he and other members of the symphonic and operatic circles had wished to meet the person responsible for those ‘uh, most unusual reviews’ in the Times. I believe he used the adjective ‘colorful.’ Never in his career had Katims read anything like them, he confessed. It occurred to me then that the culturati were not so much angered or disgusted by me, not so much contemptuous as they were . . . well, dumbfounded; that they suspected, bless them, that perhaps I was less of an ignoramus than some kind of loose cannon.

Great! I decided that it would be to my advantage to assume the role. The previous day, I’d heard on the radio that a woman in Issaquah, a suburb of Seattle, had been arrested for telling fortunes without a license, so when a member of the Opera board asked my favorite opera, I avoided the trap by going on at some length about a libretto I was writing entitled The Gypsy of Issaquah, improvising a melodramatic plot on the spot. You must admit it had an operatic ring.

And when another doyenne inquired more innocently if I had a favorite cocktail, I answered, ‘Oh, definitely the gin greasy.’ She looked blank. ‘It’s Beefeater and mayonaise,’ I explained. After that, I was pretty much left alone.”

- Tom Robbins, Tibetan Peach Pie, p. 179-180

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