Thank you for holding.
Your call is important to us.
Not important enough for us to actually come to the phone,
but if there’s even an outside chance you might be wanting to
give us some money, we don’t want you to go away.

Press 1 if you want to give us money.
If you have a problem or a complaint, press #&$_+@%:?]:)
Press numbers at random if you want us to give you money.

Thank you for pressing 1.
If you really mean it and you’re not just trying to trick us
into picking up the phone, press the 16-digit number
of whichever of your credit cards has the
highest available balance into the keypad.

Your call is important to us.
Follow your 16-digit number with the 3-digit
security code you’ll find on the back of your card.

Your call is important to us.
If it’s an American Express card, the security code will be 4 digits
and you’ll find it on the front of the card but you already knew that,
right? They don’t give American Express cards to idiots.

Thank you for holding.
Your call is important to us.
Not important enough for us to actually come to the phone,
but if there’s even an outside chance you might be wanting to
give us some money, we don’t want you to go away.