Murphy was a neighbor we grew up with and my oldest brother’s best friend. He was the youngest of three brothers. As a young child he had a serious heart condition and had several surgeries. One surgery resulted in him losing sections of his small intestine. The net result was he had the worst smelling farts of any human you will ever meet.
Murphy also had a twisted sense of humor and christened his fart, “Mr. Friendly.” He liked to introduce folks to Mr. Friendly at socially inconvenient moments and places. You can’t imagine how bad the stench was till you experienced an encounter with Mr. Friendly.
One time, he and I bunked in the same room on a ski trip. I awoke in the middle of the night having a nightmare I was trapped in a room filling with poisonous gas. I awoke and it was a reality. Had to open windows just to survive.
Murphy was notorious for dropping off Mr. Friendly in public spaces then walking away and watching as people had an intimate encounter with the invisible Mr. Friendly. He especially liked to see little kids and well dressed old ladies wander into the wall of stench. Kids would always say something while the old ladies stayed silent and made “stink faces”.
Hell, an elevator he left Mr. Friendly in might not be usable for an hour or longer.
Maybe you think it’s an exaggeration. But here is the final nail in the coffin: We had a two-car garage at our house. One summer night, the garage doors were both open. Our dog Zip was eating a bowl of food in the garage. Murphy goes in the garage and lets Mr. Friendly loose. Zip stops eating, then carefully picks up his bowl, and walks it to the end of the driveway.
When your farts are so bad you can make a dog leave a double car garage … you are in a league all your own. Murphy and Mr. Friendly surely were.
– Tom Grimes, Amarillo, Texas