Got your email.
What I’m about to say, I would say only to a good friend, so please accept it in that spirit.
What you described in your email is not uncommon among men our age. It’s a great feeling: Rediscovered Youth with all its vitality, excitement and passion.
Here’s the problem: It is very common for a man – feeling what you are feeling right now – to find himself irresistibly attracted to a woman who is not his wife. To him, it feels like true love. It’s not just her body he wants, he is attracted to everything about her. I’m not commenting on you as a person; I’m commenting on the phenomenon you’re feeling. I’ve heard Dr. Grant describe this phenomenon on many occasions. I found one MP3 in my files where he talks about it a little bit in connection with the movie, Joe Versus the Volcano. (Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan) You’ll find that MP3 attached.
“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17
Dude, I’m sharpening your iron. Bear with me.
Interesting bit of trivia: We aren’t told to resist temptation in the scriptures, but rather to flee it. In every instance, “Resist the devil,” and “Flee temptation.” It seems the Lord knows we aren’t built for resistance. We will usually cave. This is why we must WALK AWAY at the earliest onset of tiny, innocent banter with females when we are feeling the things you’re feeling.
It will happen. You’ll be chatting, innocently, enjoying the company of a waitress, a friend of your wife, a receptionist somewhere, feeling there won’t be a problem, feeling that everything is under control when suddenly you’ll know: “Walk away. Do it now. Right now. Walk away and don’t look back. Avoid this situation and this person. Do not extend this banter another word, no matter how innocent it might seem.”
Heed that voice.
Joseph, son of Jacob, grandson of Isaac, great grandson of Abraham was sold into slavery and subsequently rose to the head of the household of Potiphar, an important Egyptian. “One day he went into the house to attend to his duties, and none of the household servants was inside. She [Potiphar’s wife] caught him by his cloak and said, ‘Come to bed with me!’ But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house.“ – Genesis ch. 39
Joseph fled the situation because he knew that if he stayed and tried to ‘resist temptation’ that he would finally cave.
Joseph did the right thing. Be like Joseph. Run. Run like the wind. Do not trust yourself.
I never speculate about another man’s relationship with his wife. Every marriage is different. But If you feel your relationship would allow it, show your wife this email. Let her know my concerns. One of the best ways to defuse the possibility of a midlife crisis is to talk about why and how they happen; to be aware of the frantic fight of our psyche against the onset of life’s second half.
To quote a friend of mine, Vess Barnes, the goal of this note has been, “To encourage, to comfort, to awaken, and to stretch those who find themselves riding this big ball as it screams thru time in the silence of space. To be a bridge, not a barricade. To be a link, not a lapse. To be a beacon and a bolster; not a bragger or a bummer. To help bring the corners of life’s lips to their summit. To be a friend to those who find their fit a little awkward in this chaos society calls living.”
Roy H. Williams
Here’s that audio clip I mentioned. Dr. Richard D. Grant, a renowned clinical psychologist and founding member of the board of directors of Wizard Academy, comments on the Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan film, Joe Versus the Volcano.