MMRadio_Jessica_Hartung - The Monday Morning Memo

“I’ve discovered the secret to happiness.

No it’s not religion, drugs, or donating to charity.

It is the 2001 Kia Spectra.

The Spectra is not a car, it is a key that unlocks the door to Enlightenment.

Buddhist monks take vows of celibacy and meditate on top of mountains for their entire lives just to achieve Enlightenment. If only they knew that The Spectra can cut them to the front of that spiritual waiting line faster than a handicapped person at Disneyworld.

But how?

It’s a legitimate-sounding fact that the 2001 Kia Spectra produced one of the most profound philosophical quotes of our time, back in the year two-thousand-and-fourteen A.D., by contemporary theologian T-Swift: “Haters gonna hate.”

Those brave enough to publicly grip the steering wheel of The Spectra are immediately illuminated with a divine light of realization: whether rich or poor; beautiful or ugly; intelligent or Republican; someone is going to hate on you, no matter who you are or what you do.

So screw trying to impress those people. Save some money and drive a 2001 Kia Spectra. Automatic. Like a boss. Because haters gonna hate anyway.

And that, my friends, is the secret to happiness.”

- Asia Gregg, a Wizard of Ads partner

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